Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize