This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
