first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
