I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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