so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
