I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
