Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
