The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
