Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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