matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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