finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
