Betty ford says i'm here all night
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
