so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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