Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
