WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
