Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
