Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
