Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
