Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
