so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
