Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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