Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Bring me that man meat
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
