i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize