I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
