it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
