Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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