while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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