Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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