She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
