So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
