If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
