turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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