would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
