I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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