I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
