I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
