sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is classic penis vs brain.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
