It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize