You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
