We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
