the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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