um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize