mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize