It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
