possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
