My nipple is on Facebook.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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