help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
