I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
