if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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