Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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