i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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