I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
