Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
