never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
