when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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