youre lurking in front of me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
