Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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