I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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