i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
