batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
