Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she peed on how many people?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
