it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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