Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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