but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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