we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize