yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
