So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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