My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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