i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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