didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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