When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm passing your future prison.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
